Everyone has their "fuck this" moment. Mine hit like a ton of bricks, leaving me no choice but to reevaluate everything. It wasn't just frustration—it was a powerful, burning anger.
I was nearly 100 pounds overweight, and then I got the news: Afib. My heart was literally telling me I was in trouble. I felt like a prisoner in my own body, trapped by my own choices. The weight wasn't just physical; it was emotional. I was fucking pissed at myself for letting it get this bad.
On top of that, I was in debt. Lifestyle debts piled up from eating out, hitting the bars, going on trips, and buying things I wanted but didn't need. My bank account was a reflection of my lack of control, and each bill was a slap in the face.
I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, "How the hell did my life go to shit like this?" I was trapped in a body that was literally weighing me down, low energy and heavy, a constant source of shame. Held hostage, chained to a massive debt with no escape in sight. I thought I was going to crack, but instead of giving up and succumbing to my vices, I got pissed. Not just annoyed—seeing red, wanting to rip someone’s head off, fucking pissed. Sure, a shrink might say that's not healthy, but fuck that. Here's the thing: anger can be a catalyst for incredible change if you know how to harness it. That raw, unfiltered rage at myself became my fuel. It was the kick in the ass I needed to take action, to claw my way out of the mess I had made.
That's the often overlooked benefit of anger; you can use it for two very valuable purposes. The first is as a spotlight to illuminate the people, situations, and things in your life that do not align with your values and need to change. The second is as rocket fuel to kickstart the often difficult and painful journey of fixing these things. Thats how I lost almost 100 pounds, got out of debt, and tripled my income in the span of a few years.
The cool thing is, you can do the same thing too, and it's only three simple steps:
Embrace the anger and let it show you what’s broken.
Get clear on what you want and map out your escape route.
Use that pissed-off energy to bulldoze through the bullshit and build a new routine.
Embrace the Anger: Let it show you what’s broken
Feeling trapped, unfulfilled, and angry is a natural human condition. Whether it's a dead-end job, a toxic relationship, or realizing you've wasted hours doom-scrolling through social media only to feel even shittier, these emotions are valid. They're your mind's way of screaming, "Hey, something's gotta give!" Instead of pushing these feelings down, recognize them for what they are: a wake-up call.
Suppressing negative emotions can lead to stress, burnout, and even serious health issues. I learned the hard way that ignoring my frustration only made things worse. Bottling up anger can create a pressure cooker situation where, eventually, you explode. Acknowledge these feelings and see them for what they are—warnings and signals that it's time for a change.
Here’s how to spot the things that set you off:
Emotional Reactions: Pay attention to your responses to everyday situations. Are you more irritable or quick to anger around certain people or in specific situations? These could be signs of deeper issues.
Physical Symptoms: Tightness in your stomach, pounding chest, tension headaches, stomach issues, or tensing of your muscles. Your body often signals distress before your mind does. Do you feel a gut-churning sensation as you walk into your office on Monday or sudden fatigue when you hit the gym?
Feedback from Others: Sometimes those around you can see things you can't. If friends or family mention changes in your behavior or mood, take note. They might be seeing warning signs you're missing. Recently, a close friend spotted my “funk” before I did.
Meditation & Journaling: Meditation isn’t a bunch of hippie woo-woo bullshit (but pass that peace pipe anyway, bro); it's scientifically proven to have a myriad of benefits. Spend a few minutes each day in silence, focusing on your breath. Meditation can clear your mind and bring underlying issues to the surface. Write down your thoughts and emotions. Alternatively, try freeform journaling. Write whatever comes to mind for 5 minutes without stopping. Some days you might write about how cute Marco’s butt looks; other days, you might realize that Danny is a toxic friend who needs to go. This practice helps you process and understand your feelings better. Look for patterns or repeated themes of dissatisfaction and frustration.
For example, during my journey, I noticed that feelings of lack of control over my life often triggered my anger and frustration. This realization helped me understand that I needed to take back control—both physically by losing weight and financially by tackling my debt. Identifying these root issues was crucial in directing my efforts and making effective changes.
Remember, the goal isn't to get rid of all anger. Instead, use this anger as fuel and motivation for the next step, which involves turning it into a powerful force for positive change.
Get Clear: Map Out Your Escape Route
Now that you've embraced your anger and identified what pisses you off, it's time to figure out what needs to change to stop it. Often, our negative emotions, especially anger, arise when our personal values are violated—either by ourselves or others. Identifying these values is the key to mapping out your escape route.
We all have core values that guide our actions and shape our expectations. When these values are compromised, it triggers a visceral reaction. For example, if you value honesty and you're surrounded by deceit, it's going to piss you off. If you value health but find yourself stuck in unhealthy habits, anger will bubble up. Recognizing your personal values helps you pinpoint why certain situations trigger such strong emotions.
Once you know your values, it's time to identify where they're being violated. Ask yourself:
Where in your life do you feel the most frustrated or angry?
What specific actions or situations are triggering these feelings?
Are these violations coming from others, or are you violating your own values?
With a clear understanding of your values and the sources of your anger, you can start mapping out the changes needed to realign your life. This isn't about vague resolutions; it's about setting concrete goals that address the root causes of your frustration.
Define Your Goals: Based on your values, set specific, actionable goals. For instance, if financial stability is a value, a goal might be to create and stick to a budget.
Create an Action Plan: Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. If losing weight is a goal, your action plan could include meal prepping, joining a gym, and scheduling regular workouts.
Set Deadlines: Assign realistic deadlines to each step of your action plan to keep yourself accountable.
As you implement your action plan, continuously check that your actions align with your values. This alignment will not only help reduce your anger but also bring a sense of fulfillment and purpose. When your actions reflect your core values, you create a life that feels authentic and satisfying.
When you align your life with your personal values and set goals that honor those values, incredible transformations happen. Your anger subsides because you're no longer in conflict with yourself. Your life improves because you're living in a way that truly matters to you.
Remember how I felt a lack of control over my life? By identifying the root issues, being overweight and in debt, and aligning my actions with my values—losing weight to regain health and managing finances to achieve stability—I was able to take back control and create positive change.
Psssssst: Next level shit
Sometimes, when I need a little extra boost, I like to take things a step further. I embrace my anger and even intentionally piss myself off to connect with that rage. Nothing gets me seeing red faster than blasting some metal in the gym while imagining Susan from Accounting going on and on about her favorite K-pop band. Our dark side isn't something to fear; it's there for a reason, so fucking tap into it! Pissing yourself off might not be something your snowflake therapist would recommend, but let's be real—sometimes you need that fire. Anger, when directed correctly, can be a powerful motivator. Don't operate from that place 24/7, or you'll drive yourself crazy, but more on that later.
Bulldoze the Bullshit: Build a New Routine
Now comes the fun part—where it all comes together, and we take massive action. This is where we use our newly found values and the goals and roadmap we developed in the last step to destroy all the old patterns and limiting beliefs. We're going to instill new, healthy, and empowering habits that will serve us and bring us closer to our goals and into alignment with our values.
Initially, this journey will be fueled by our anger and resentment of our old life that's out of alignment with our values. Tap into that anger to motivate you. Think of anger as rocket fuel. It burns very hot, fast, and ia extremely powerful, but it's only good for short bursts. If you burn the rocket fuel too long, eventually, the rocket will overheat and explode. The same is true with using anger as fuel. Our goal should be to use the anger to kickstart the journey and gain momentum.
Start by Taking Massive Action
Identify and Destroy Old Patterns: Look at the habits and routines keeping you stuck. Whether it's late-night snacking, procrastinating at work, or spending money on coke and hookers, identify these patterns and make a conscious effort to break them.
Instill New, Empowering Habits: Replace old, destructive habits with new ones that align with your values and goals. If health is a value, start meal prepping and exercising regularly. If financial stability is a goal, create and stick to a budget.
Track Your Progress: There are a million ways to do this. Keep a journal, use an app, or put a smiley face sticker by your name each day, for all I care. The point is to celebrate small victories along the way. Each step forward is a step towards a life that aligns with your values.
As you gain momentum and start seeing progress, the motivation will naturally shift from anger to pleasure. You'll begin to see the positive changes in yourself and your life, and this will become your new source of motivation. Instead of being driven by the pain of your old life, you'll be pulled forward by the joy and satisfaction of your new one.
Once you find your groove, work actively on your mindset to ensure it's positive and sustainable long term. Practice gratitude, focus on what’s going well, and visualize the life you’re creating. This positive reinforcement will help solidify the new, empowering patterns you’re establishing. Pretty soon, they will be habits that are engrained in you, and you'll do them instinctively without thought.
A Word of Caution
It's tempting to tap into anger every time you want to get some work done, but it's not a healthy or happy place to live. It can actually be addictive. When we get angry, we get a shot of adrenaline and a sense of control or power, which can feel like a high. While anger can be a powerful motivator for short bursts, it’s not sustainable long-term. Aim to transition from anger-driven action to pleasure-driven progress. Your ultimate goal is to create a life that feels good to live, not just one that looks good on paper.
Wrapping This Shit Up: From Anger to Alignment
If you read this to the end, I’m betting you’ve got a few things you're itching to change in your life. Join the club. I've been where you are. I faced serious health challenges like Afib and being extremely overweight, and I clawed my way out of a mountain of self-imposed debt. I turned those into opportunities for growth, and guess what? You can too!
It was fucking hard, but I shed the weight and built a new fitness and healthy eating routine. I paid off my debt and tripled my income by switching jobs and diving into real estate. Each step was driven by the anger and frustration I felt. Yeah, I used that anger to fuel my success. Then as my life got better, the anger magically subsided and I realized that excitement and passion were now my motivation.
Anger and frustration don't have to be destructive. They can be powerful tools for change. You can transform your life by acknowledging these feelings and channeling them into positive action. Move from a place of rage to a place of empowerment. Take that first step today. Your future self will thank you, and maybe even buy you a drink.